Kingdom Bloopers
by The Emerald Shapeshifter
Summary: Me The Emerald Shapeshifter and my best friend TwilightFairy928 just poking fun at random parts of Kingdom Hearts. [She owes half the credit!]
1. First Meeting with Axel

**Kingdom Bloopers**

**A Kingdom Hearts Fanfiction**

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Me and my friend poking fun at Kingdom Hearts! poke, poke

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**Chapter One**

**First Meeting with Axel**

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**Roxas POV**

I raise my struggle bat to take the final blow on Vivi...but time stops...and I hit Vivi anyway. ("Sorry, Vivi!").

I'm astonished. "Holy fudge-monkeys, he disappeared."

Oh. It's just Dusks. ... DUSKS?!

I'm doomed.

Who's that clapping guy?

Why is he clapping?

Clapping Man: "Roxas. All right. Fight, fight, fight. ... And that's what I'm going to do to you, you, you." (Director: CUT!)

He's like one of those monkeys that repeatedly clap the cymbals together. Dork.

Axel? I don't know you! Stop following me! Stalker! (OMG)

Holy flurry of dancing flames! How does he fit all that hair under that hood?!

Must be magic.

'Blank with a capital "B"'? My name doesn't start with a B! My name's not blank!

I think.

The Dusks aren't gonna crack WHAT?

Who are you, crazy man???

Oh. Right. Axel.

I knew that!

Wait a sec! Tell me what's going on? Why are you in a dress??

Axel: No reason.

This town's who's creation? What are you talking about?!

Q & A? What's that stand for? Quagmires and amulets? What do you mean we don't have time for quagmires and amulets?

Oh no he just didn't threaten me!

I don't wanna go with you. And I wanna be conscious!

YAY! A story? Is it bedtime?

...Okay, I've decided I don't like those spinning, sharp, pointy things he has...

Uh-oh. Uh-oh's never good.

I'm so mad and I'm gonna throw my Keyblade at you now. Stand still...no, a little to the right...

Darn it! Missed! I said to the right!!

Wasn't expecting that. The giant key poofed back into my hand. It ruined my hair!

Someone shall pay.

Number thirteen? I can't count that high! My name's Roxas?! NEAT!

Wow. Keyblade. I never would have guessed...

What do you mean, chosen one? Does that make you the spinny wheely chosen one?

Hopefully not.

**Battle Scenes**

So, now we're fighting. Axel skips when he fights. Very odd.

Oh my goodness! GIANT FLAMING WHEELS SPINNING RIGHT TOWARD ME!!!

Have mercy!

Stabbed Axel multiple times with my giant key. Oddly satisfying.

Does this ring any bells? Uh, no. Wait, let me think...

Ouch! Was hit while I was trying to think. Note to self: Thinkingbad.

This fruit-loop dances while he fights!! WHY?

Now he's doing splits. He's very talented.

Wow. When I defeat him, time slows down. While its frozen. Very unusual.

**After The Battle...**

Weird, red guy in robes appears. Who is he? Why are all these guys wearing dresses?

They raided their sister's closets! That, so far, is the only logical explanation there is.

So they know each other. Maybe they raided their sister's closets together.

I wish I could do the force field thing... That would save me from many burns.

Ow.

Robe guy knows my name? Then my name _must_ be Roxas!

This man speaks nonsense? No duh!

Who is this Roxas character you two keep screaming about???

Oh. Yeah. Me.

Ow...headache...

Oh. It's 4:22 p.m. Time for me to randomly shout out three names.

"Hayner! Pence! Olette!"

That was fun.

See you again tomorrow, three random names!


	2. Demyx the Loser

**Kingdom Bloopers**

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**Chapter Two**

**Demyx the Loser**

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**Demyx POV**

Ugh. My show's coming on, and I have to go fight some people. Bo-ring! And I hate fighting! And water!

And people!

What do I say? What do I say?!

I'll complement them! "Hey, you guys are looking lively!"

First thing that came to mind.

mental slap You idiot!

Oh, they don't like me.

No, I didn't mess around the...underwear?

Okay...

Wimp?? How dare they...

Oh no! Short attention span clicking in! waves hands in front of self I don't like flies!

_Can't fight? Can't fight, he said??_

Yeah. He's right. I can't fight.

Or can I?

You can't judge anyone by appearance... Even though I look like a dork.

Stupid Xemnas! I told him he was sending the wrong guy, but NO! He was watching football...

On that giant plasma screen. I envy him.

Kook works for me too. Better than wimp...

Nobodies? Demyx is heartbroken...

Okay, I'm over it! He said I have no heart.

Wait—I do to have a heart! Don't be mad!

Don't go away mad—just go away! I wanna watch TV!

Please?

Of course I can't trick you. I'm stupid.

Okay, new tactic—intimidation.

"Silence, traitor."

I made myself sound real tough and all. Yay me!

Now for the real scary part... _AH!!! WATER!!_

**Fight Scenes**

I have a sitar. **I'M A DORK AND YOU'RE NOT! I'M A DORK AND YOU'RE NOT!**

**I mean— YOU'RE A DORK AND I'M NOT!**

**MUAHAHAHAHA!!**

It's my evil laugh. I've been practicing.

Okay, either they're laughing _at_ me, _with_ me, or they're practicing their evil laughs, too.

OW! He _hit_ me! Mommy!


	3. Death of the Dancing Flames

**Kingdom Bloopers**

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**Chapter Three**

**Death of the Dancing Flames**

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**Axel POV**

I told them about the darkness overtaking them. Can I go home now?

The answer is no.

For if I do it, I gets a whoopin'...from Saïx...

Those Dusks think they're better dancers than me? How dare they!

Sora better get goin', because this is gonna be a Battle of the Dancers!

Why? He asks? Why? You question the wisdom of the Flurry of the Dancing Flames?

...Okay, I see your point.

Don't ask. Just do it!

I think I was knocked down by a Dusk.

Am I okay? He asks.

Of course not, you doofus!

I kidnapped Kairi, but she beat me up like Belle beat up Xaldin. I had to let her go. My ego was at stake. And after that, Saïx caught her.

Oh, the irony.

Saïx is a member of the organization whose number is actually four letters. XIII. Whatever that means!!

His name...is Saïx.

Oh. Wait. He already knew that.

Got it memorized now, that I've said it nearly twenty times?

**Skip Battle Scenes**

I decided to sacrifice myself and blow up. Not my brightest plan.

You're fading away... he says.

No duh! No, I'm just lying here, inches away from death with my body slowly vanishing. That's normal.

But I digress. Whatever that means.

Sora: Do you want me to stab you so you die quicker?

No!!!!

I'll just lay here and wait for Roxas. Dying.

Where are you, Roxas?

Wait, why did you come?

You don't remember? That's encouraging.

Freak!

Roxas...was the only one I liked...AS A FRIEND!

He made me feel...like I had a kidney—I MEAN HEART!

It's kind of funny...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wait, why are you laughing, Sora? Stop laughing at me!

You make me feel—

Sora: Please don't say 'complete'.

Ahem. The same...AS A FRIEND!

I take in my last breath.

Wait, I can take in another one.

Another...

Just die already!!!

Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go.

Here! I'll open the door for you.

And here I am...dying...fading away...

...STILL NOT DYING!

Sora: Axel...

WHAT???

Oh, sorry, I'm supposed to be dying now. Bye!

Give Roxas a hug for me—

AS A FRIEND!

I think I'll die now. Bye!


	4. Attack of the Sharp Pointy Things!

**Kingdom Bloopers**

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**Chapter Four**

**Attack of the Sharp Pointy Things!**

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**Xaldin's POV**

So I decided to go to the Beast's Castle's balcony...and what do you know? I found Belle. AND the rose! YAY!

If I take them, that'll make the Beast mad!

YAY!

For some reason, she is able to scream through my hand...

I'll jump off the balcony! Whee!!

I feel like I'm Super Man! WHEE!

And now...look at my hair!

Okay, Beast. I'll leave. And I'll take these two with me. BYE!

Just kidding.

I'd rather travel light...because these two are so heavy!

Note to self: More exercise.

What shall I leave behind? Make up your mind, already!

Stupid girl. She looks nothing like a bell!

Or the rose... This doesn't look like it's dying!

Rip-off!

Oo, I'm _so_ scared. He growled at me.

So he chooses the stupid girl. I would have taken the oh-so-much-more-valuable rose.

Ow! I've just been elbowed by a girl!

Dignity...fading away...must...retain...ego...

AND SHE TOOK THE ROSE! THE PRETTY ROSE!

How dare she?

The Beast almost hit me. But I dodged him.

Ha ha!!

And I landed gracefully on my feet. I'm so talented!

Ha! In your face, Axel! I can dance better than you! (Axel: "What??")

I gave them an evil look. Fear me.

I decided for a grand entrance... Meet my six spears (AKA sharp pointy things)!

And I can...fly.

**Battle Scenes**

There's no fun in this! I'd rather be watching that football game with Demyx and Xemnas.

OW! Sora hit me!

Again!

And again!

And again!

Ha! I hit him!

Where'd he go?

I think I'll randomly shout "Wind!"

"Wind!"

Ah! I hit him! Again!

I'm riding my spears! It's like I'm riding a horse!

A giant metal horse that shoots at people!

YAY!

I think now, I'll shout, "Sora!"

Who's Sora? Someone answer me!

**End Battle Scenes**

They beat me! Luckily, when my spears landed, they didn't hit me.

Oh, wait. One went through my foot.

Wait for it...

Wait...

_**OW!!!!!**_

When I scream out in pain, my hair flies up with me!

Oh the humiliation! Now they know my secret!

My hair's alive!

I'm disappearing. Bye-bye...


	5. Attempted Kidnap by a Red Porcupine Man!

**Kingdom Bloopers**

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**Chapter Five**

**Attempted Kidnap by a Red Porcupine Man**

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**Kairi POV**

I miss Sora.

Maybe...waiting isn't good enough.

Maybe I should call him!

Busy.

Wait—these voices in my head keep talking to me! I thought I ditched them!

They even have a dream—and thought! What do you know?

Strange man appears in front of me...this seems oddly familiar...

Got what memorized?

Who are you? Standard question.

Wow. I got a name. That's a first.

Axel? Like axle grease!

Go see Sora? Sorry, I don't talk to strangers.

Axel: I have candy.

Yay! Candy!

Nope. Still not going (even though I want candy).

Wait...he said Sora...

Why would I want to go see him? He's weird.

And with Axel...is he asking me on a date?

Freak.

Oh my god! There's a yellow dog behind me.

Thought it was a cat.

I guess it's Halloween, because there are guys dressed in strange costumes dancing around me.

Come to think of it...that other guy's wearing a dress.

Strange whistling sound and a strange black portal appears...I think I'll run through it! Yay!

We have something in common? You have red spiky hair and you're wearing a dress!

Wait! So am I! I guess we do have something in common.

Small world.

You're missing someone? Aw, do you miss your mommy?

Friends already? Wow, that was fast!

Who is this dork?

This guy is creepy. NOT FRIENDLY!

I ran through the portal. And now I'm in this weird blue world that spins...

I'm dizzy...

What is this place? My mind? It's pretty empty in here...

Or is it the dog's mind.

Mine.

Another whistle and portal appear. Maybe some guy thinks I'm hot but can't open the right portal to his house.

Sora? Or Riku?

Sora.

Sora? Yay!

I ran to the portal with the dog. Stood right in it. I saw some strange man dressed in black.

Oh, no, he's wearing a dress, too!

Riku...?

I wake up on the floor. Someone asks if I'm okay.

Of course I'm not okay! I'm lying on the ground!

Dorks.

Flying out of a hole in the wall? You don't say...

I seem to have a tendency to do that. Get used to it!

Heart attacks? Then why aren't you dead?

Oh. 'Nearly'.

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**More coming soon!**


	6. Santa!

**Kingdom Bloopers**

**Chapter Six**

**SANTA!!**

**Sora POV**

This is Halloween Town, right?

No, just some haunted town.

At night.

What's 'Hallowee…what?'

Ghosty puppy!

Zero the ghosty puppy! YAY!

And he left.

Meanie!

Ahahaha, Goofy has a pumpkin on his nose.

I wanna poke it!!

Donald says he's dressed up like a mummy. Not my mummy.

Definitely NOT my mummy.

Creepy guillotine to chop my head off, oh joy, a big ramp…ramp?

Let's go up it!

It's Jack? Jack Sparrow? I love you!

Oh. Just the skeleton person…thing.

In a coffin.

Being pulled by dead…things.

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!

PERSON! WHATEVER!

Ack! He's coming towards me!

Hi.

Christmas? I thought it was Easter.

Or Halloween. What's Halloween?

You're weird.

Pumpkin king? I thought he was a skeleton. My mummy told me to never trust them.

Donald!

Sandy Claws?

Decorations? Wonderful? Riiiiiiight…

Cookies!!

Is that what Sally's making?

TO THE COOKIES!

Yay! He's gonna take us there!

Halloween Town Christmas? Sounds fun!

Come on now, let's get in the coffin! While we're alive!

AAHH!!

Those three kids…they're carrying…A THING!

Pretty lights from the thing!!

Must touch it.

It blew up. I'm glad I didn't touch it!

What's ready for Christmas?

Did you get me a present?

Cookies!

Go get Santa Claus? Did he say 'Santa'??

_I want a pony, and a new Keyblade…And COOKIES!_

Goofy and Donald: "Sora?"

Are the strange looking fellows out there with me? I thought they were in here? looks at Donald and Goofy

We can get rid of them.

And then, we can GO SEE SANTA!!

Oh, right, Heartless.

Gotta fight them first.

I'm coming Santa!

Ack! Mummies everywhere!

I want my mummy.

The Mayor announces that he is weak. I must admit that I agree.

Wimp.

(After Fight)

Up to the task? Of being bodyguards?

DUH!

I get to go see Santa!

The North Pole is in the woods?

Past the graveyard?

Makes perfect sense.

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa, and MORE SANTA!

Door to Christmas Town! YAY!

I wanna go see Santa! Shut up!

Jump in! WHEE!

Snowflakes!

Ow! One hit me in the face!

Christmas Town—OW! That's my back!

Goofy! You cracked my back!

_Santa…for Christmas, I want a new spine…and friends._

Speaking of which…GET OFF ME!

Coooool—with five 'O's! LITERALLY!!

walks like a zombie Must go see Santa…

Not Heartless here!

Must protect Santa with single-minded hopes…

(After Fight)

SANTA!

We've just entered Santa's house…someone pinch me!

OW!

_**IT'S SANTA!!**_

Santa!!

He spoke to me!! He likes me!

Am I on your nice list? Duh!

What's my name? Uh… chirping crickets

Sora!

That's it!

I'm on the nice list WHAT?

LIAR!

I do too believe!

RIKU!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT…Pretty lights.

My world is shattered…

There you go 'You Know Who'! I got it up! Someone write that down! XD


	7. It'sit'sTHE FULL MOON!

**Kingdom Bloopers**

**Chapter Seven**

**Full Moon!!**

**Saïx POV**

The people! They entered my room without permission!

Call in…the full moon!!

Muahahahahahahahaha!!

It's a giant heart…so pretty.

Only you could have made it this far in one piece…mommy. I MEAN ROXAS!!

Really getting old? Oh yeah? I'm 200 years old!

He's Sora? Riiiigghhttt…

See this really pretty shiny big amazing weapon? I can get bigger. Watch.

SEE? SEE SEE SEE??

Different name, same pretzel.

I mean fate!

I FARTED AND MADE THE BAD GUYS VANISH!

Fear the power of…the full moon!

Fear me, or I shall defy you with my farts!

Moon, shine down!

Not that moon!

Yet.

(After fight)

They beat me…

WAHHHHHH!!

They were not phased by the full moon…

BUTT CRAMP!!

Why…why did the full moon not work?!

Kingdom Hearts…

Where is my heart!!

YOU ATE IT?

Kingdom Hearts…All your base are belong to us!!

Sora: HUH?

We have a videotaped version of Kingdom Bloopers... We're just not sure whether to put it up.


End file.
